Too tired.

I think I may be coming down with something. That, or I just need to stay home for a day. This week has been stupid. Nothing has gotten done around here and my brains all freaked out. I have all this new music I want to listen to, stuff I want to write, even a burgeoning painting in my head. But I have to be HERE to do that stuff- not in the car, not at preschool, not at moms house...ugh. I'm tired.

I need to do some plot doctoring for Blood Freckles. The further I step away from it, the more I am sure about the lameness of John's plot. In the beginning we see John having just lost his mother. Having had a couple suicide attempts in the past, he decides he's done for real, but runs into Nina. He still feels he can't handle life so he leaves Nina to go off himself.

Nina has no idea where he's gone, and moves back east, hoping maybe thats where he went. And the story progresses for her. But foe John...it's kind of on pause. Why the heck, if he really wanted to die, wouldn't he just do it? And be dead before Nina even gets on a plane? What the heck would he be waiting for? Whats he doing? It's a giant, giant hole.

And that hole makes my stomach hurt. I only have a few feeble ideas. One being that he really doesn't think he can die, but he can't bear to be with Nina, either. He can't bear to make attachments with people he knows are going to get hurt. (is that too Twilight? Damn Twilight!!)

I just don't know.

And then theres the matter of this other story, another re-write about a couple of people that have spent there lives as conservative Christians only to find themselves as lost adults with lots of questions. It kind of explores the idea that regardless of your upbringing, people are still human and human agendas find their way into lives and tend to destroy them- no matter what. I don't know. Sounds harsh, but it's not. I just find my own life of church and Christian school to be full of write-able issues.

I want to listen to the music I just got. I recently acquired Cave Singers, Diane Birch, the newest Muse album and Horse Feathers. I still have to go to preschool. Real life blows.