My other, other love.

Singing.

Ah....such bittersweet stuff for me. Singing holds a mystique for me that painting and writing do not. It's 50 times the anxiety. It's 50 times the enjoyment, though- when I succeed.

I've failed to succeed in it many times. Whether that refers to solo's I sang in choir that frequently botched or my failed college experience as a voice major- it all cuts me. I love, love to sing. I annoy the crap out of everyone close to me because I can't stop. If I wrote or draw as much as I sang, I'd be awesome.

I've had to face the facts, though. My voice is good, but not particularly wonderful or magnetic to anyone. I can sing a mean harmony. And I love to sing along with someone else. I am so glad to have the opportunity to sing with some friends in their band. Did I talk about this already? If so, forgive me. You'll hear it again.

The band is called Hickory Wind and they are an Emmylou Harris cover band. I had no idea what this meant at first, but when I started listening to her music, I realized something- I like country.

I'm sorry, but I guess I do. I love sad, sappy goodness, so how did this genre escape me for so long?

On Friday, I met with Cheryl and we ran through some harmonies to get us tightened up before a performance we have next weekend. I brought a digital recorder so I could listen to the parts later and I'm going to *attempt* to post a couple here. I have no clue if this is possible because I'm a techno-loser.


Yeah...it didn't work. I need some sort of conversion software for it- I'll get it to work someday.

Anyway, there are a lot of gigs I get to be at in the next couple of months. I'm pretty excited.

Acrylics class #14- more Portfolio critique....

Mine was done monday, but today we finished critiquing the rest of the class' work. (I really wish I'd have had a camera monday...I love seeing everyones work together...) I find this interesting. A lot of the "kids" (read:first time college students) looked bored. I think it's great to hear what my classmates think of their own work, and of course I love to hear what my professor says. She always surprises me with what she points out.

Heres one side of the class:


And the other:


I really dig everyones different approaches to the chromatic grey paintings we did (making greys out of color instead of black and white). Also, notice the different personalities, sensibilities and styles that come out.

A couple notable standouts:



My friend Brian- who's just really good at this stuff. I'm good too- he's just different. He is a lot more free and approaches his work differently. Excellent sense of color. Good stuff.


This is a woman named Karen's work. She said she's a perfectionist and I think it shows!! Very close to photo-realism, she really makes her forms come to life. The painting with the lemons is unbelievable!

The disease of over-thinking

If you are reading this, then you know I have toiled and thought heavily for days on end about things that are completely fictional. You know how much I analyzed everything I do, everything I think about those things and certainly everything anyone, anywhere says about what I do. I live for scrutiny, and then, the scrutiny of the scrutiny.

This sort of round and round garbage ceases to develop any real skill or success in my life, but instead squelches and retards any growth I might incur.

For example, I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with my extraordinary husband in one of my favorite places, San Francisco. That place is magical for me- it gets my wheels turning. With that turning of wheels, I effectively cornered my poor husband, in a fancy restaurant over candles, about my book. I asked him an hours worth of questions about my plot, the characters, and the structure of writing in general. I was surprised and thrilled that he was generally happy to oblige my craziness. One thing that was particularly helpful and flattering, was his telling me that I'm over-thinking. I'm qualifying my plot and characters too much. I just need to trust my instincts about it.

Then today, in class, we did our portfolio review. We put up a selection of paintings we've done this semester and open them up to critique. It's pretty fun, I think. I love seeing everyone's work, and hearing their thoughts as well as my professors thoughts.

One of the pieces my professor had me show what one of our short paintings from earlier in the semester (pictured above). I thought perhaps she'd taken it out to show something lame about cast shadows, or something. I was surprised to find out she was trying to show how strong my first instincts are. This would be in contrast to the paintings where I toil and fuss and stress over the minutia of reality. She said I need to show the same confidence n my long paintings that I show in my short studies. Very cool.

I should also stop over-thinking things like my accessories. Or what so-an-so said in passing at the bus stop. I should stop thinking that is some sort of sign when my face breaks out, or when I get a funny feeling in my chest. I'm probably not dying, I'm just...over-thinking. Now THAT could kill me. (or at least kill my success.)

Too much to do.

I hate days like today.

I have to drive into town (about 35 minutes away) and buy a birthday present and a Blessingway gift. Then, I have to haul my booty back, and try to make some sense of whats going on downstairs. (theres a bit of a laundry DISASTER...I'd take pictures...but it's really quite awful)

When the kids come home off the bus, we all get back in the car and one gets shipped to a sleepover and the other two are off to meet another mom at the library so we can follow her to a birthday party.

THEN, after that party, I go home. Eat dinner. Then, there's the Blessingway for my friend that I want to make an appearance at. THEN I come home, and clean up everything and pack for out trip to San Francisco.

I'm really more of a wake-up, stare for a few hours, tweak my animals cages (meaning, cleaning out water containers, arranging food and generally fussy over my chicks and my bunny). I also like to talk on the phone. A lot. I can get stuff done on the phone because I don't get distracted by like...imaginary friends or anything. Sad but true. (I write in my head all day long, which is a kind of schizophrenia)

I guess I'm just whining.

Oh, yeah....I also have art homework!!! I have to do two scales- both starting with Violet-Red, one ending with Blue and the other with Red. It's a warm/cool experiment.

I also need to finish this impasto:


Theres a strong possibility I could completely destroy it if I work on it anymore, but I have to admit...it's NOT done. :(

Obsessed with Joanna Newsom.

Or at least a few of her songs. Every couple of weeks I find some song that steals my soul and causes me to want to forsake society, and hole up in my house with iTunes blasting and a cup of coffee.

Currently, its' Joanna Newsom's new album, and particularly her song "Go Long". Such wonderful vocal styling. Such intricate harp-playing with a touch of sitar? (correct me if I'm wrong) And it has the sad sweetness I go for in songs, whether it's a sad song or not. It sounds right.

My friends has a broader taste in music and like guys with guitars. (Jeff Buckley, Ryan Adams, Ryan LaMontagne, etc). I can roll with some of it, but I do love female singers. Probably due to the fact that in theory, I myself, am a singer. I have no proof that I sing, but someday I will do something with my voice for real. And singing along with other girl voices is fun for me.

I want to be cool like her. She's from freaking Nevada City! She could totally be my friend!! (yeah right)

Movie review/Script Frenzy inspiration

Matt can tell if I'm going to like a movie in the first 10 seconds. And its true, I tend to be drawn to independent, character-driven movies. I loved Little Miss Sunshine, Sunshine Cleaning Company, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, etc. If it's conversational and up close, I dig it.

Away We Go was no exception. I kind of have a thing for John Krasinski, but, that's not *necessarily* why we got this on NetFlix. Its the story of a couple who gets pregnant and finds themselves a bit frightened and on the cusp of a total life change, including having the choice to find somewhere to settle down. The story follows them as they travel, visiting people from their lives in search of the environment in which they can raise there baby. What they find, though, is that together, they have what they need, and everyone is ultimately unfit and screwed up in their own way.

I love films with people you feel like you already know. No one in this movie did anything extraordinary. Even the crazy hippy lady is strangely familiar to me. But its the way they're shown that makes them extraordinary.

This makes life rich with story possibility. My idea of taking the women I know, and making characters out of them gets more and more interesting.

New annoying hair, a great class and feedback on my novel!!

First things first.

I went Saturday to get a real haircut. I LOVED what she did. I even liked how she styled it. But then...I had to do it myself and guess what? I can't!! I look like I've got a mullet. I'm pretty frustrated. Heres what it looked like the day she did it:


Then this morning:


And now it's all flat and gross and not cute. I'm letting it go...I guess I need a round brush, and curling iron to do it like she did. But I don't always want to HAVE to fix my hair. Thats SO not me. I'm more of a shower and then brush it person. Oh well.


We took a look at all the still life paintings we did last week using the Grisaille technique. Very cool. I love seeing everyones all together!!


Today we did an impasto of the same series. It's fun! I was surprised to actually be able to work with the texture. I'm not sure I'll always paint this way- it takes SO much paint and gel medium. My homework is to finish it.

I do love everyone's interpretation of things. Even though its the same subject we're all painting, each person infuses their own personality into it. I got one of my class mates to let me show you hers. She's got a definite style- I can't wait to see her's finished. I'm surrounded by people who paint this way- my friend who sits next to me does brilliant work. I'll have to sneak a picture of his, too. So, here's Tricias:


Ok, lastly. On the National Novel Writing Month forum, there was a thread where you could post your novel so it could be read by some willing person, and I got one!! She just finished it and emailed me a few questions and ideas. I really wanted someone to rip it apart- even tell me I'm a hack. But, she said it was interesting, and there were just some missing facts that confused her. She even liked my cheesy ending. Maybe I'll keep it. Feedback makes me so happy.

ACCCKKKK!!!!

Script Frenzy!!!

And guess what, Matt has forbidden my to do Blood Freckles as a script again. I think he's mean.

And he also has forbidden me to do anything thats not completely new.

I have a few ideas. They're super weak, but they could work.

One is about old friends going away together and discoverng who they are NOW in relation to where they came from. It'd be inspired by my real weekends away with my girlfriends from high school and nights out with my local girlfriends.

Women in their 30's are funny. We're not kids anymore and we begin to feel it, I think. Insecurities aren't gone just because you're grown up and it's always fascinating to see how we're sort of all the same as we were before. And that clarity can be hard to come by without some bumps.

I don't know....that sounds a bit like mumbo jumbo. But, who cares? No rules!! It's Script Frenzy!!!

I LOVE the T-shirt this year. Super cool. I wonder how many weird looks I'll get this year when I say "Yeah, you just write a 100 page script in a month. No, you don't really win anything."

Acrylics class #12

Which ALMOST didn't happen for me due to the freaking snow dump we had last night. But luckily, this morning I was a total drama queen and my mom trekked up to my house, and fetched me so I could go to class.

I was so glad I did!! I really like Grisaille!!!

I took some shots at class:


Pretty boring, I guess. But it's good for learning!! I can't wait to apply this technique to more interesting forms!!


A view from my seat.



The finished product...I like it. It does look like watercolor, but a LOT easier and less fussy. I dig layering the colors. I could probably keep layering...maybe I will...I don't want to kill it, though.

Acrylics class #11

Today was pretty cool!!

I'd read in Artists magazine about Grisaille- and technique in which you make an underpainting in neutral tones, then build into the real color of the subject through layers of glaze. It was interesting to me because I tend to like to build up my pieces- which is why I love pencil drawing so much.

Painting is slightly more committal, except in this sense. It allows to to block out the forms and get a sense of the value shapes.

We used the same forms as we used for the pear paintings last week, except this time, we were to use greys for the underpainting. I wish I'd had my camera- I'd have taken a shot of just the underpainting which was comprised in my case of various neutral blue/green/brown tones.

What you see here is the underpainting, with the first layer of yellow glaze on the bananas and lemons.

It's very water color-esque at the moment. I can't wait until Wednesday when I can keep going with this!!!

Lazy Sunday

Yes, I'm referring to my favorite SNL short.

I worked on the pears painting yesterday. I tried to get the pears to be more grounded. It was hard without the still life in front of me. Ordinarily, I'd say a form is darkest where it meets the surface it sits on- that would certainly bind it to the picture plane. But a lot of times, theres a sliver of reflected light at that point coming form either behind the form or the light source bouncing off whatever it sits on. I'm not sure in this case without looking at it.


Oh well, I went back in and added more red to the pears and blended the shadows on the tablecloth. Then I added a second coat to the background, which I *hope* is effective.

Our portfolio is due tomorrow- which means we have to compile everything we've done so far, in order, completed and pretty. She also want's us to choose our top 3 pieces to discuss in class. I think for me, I will be the pears.

The first of the all white still live's I went back and fixed, because, while it's certainly not perfect, I achieved an atmosphere in this that I'd been unable to do in the past.


And perhaps, my quick study of the metal pipe. I like the way it's laid out, I liked my color choices, and I just think it was a fun composition.




We pick, and then she also picks and tells us why she made her choices. I love scutiny!!!

A re-written excerpt

Just to spur myself on, here...

I began a re-write on a part that I've posted on here before. Its where Nina runs into John after years and years. I hope this is a better lead in. One problem I have is the setting- in San Francisco. I've been to San Francisco plenty of times. I know what it feels like and what it smells like- but I don't really KNOW it well enough to know exactly what it looks like near the BART station. It's not that big a deal, right? Because the reader may not know, either.

I AM going there in a couple weeks to spend the night and run the Across the Bay 12K. I'll have to take some notes .

Heres what I re-wrote, though:

Nina stood against the side of a building for a long time. The sun was going down, casting long slants of shadow across the busy street. The BART station entrance was just across the street and she had intended on walking in, but she stopped before crossing. She inhaled the sweet city air. It was saturated with perfumes of passersby, food, the sharp smells of cars pulsing along the hills, and the ever present salted sea smell that carried it all. She always thought she’d live here. She’d have gone to art school here then gotten an apartment that looked over the slope of one of it’s pastel streets. The morals of any city troubled her father, especially San Francisco with its reputation for being less-than-traditional. He wanted her out of the city, into the safe suburbs and all it’s mediocrity. She felt like a tourist and she hated it. She wanted to belong here, but, she didn’t.
Nina pushed chapstick over her mouth and sighed as she watched the people, trying to discern who lived in the city and who was visiting. It was hard to say. She imagined it was the casual ones with their heads down, not the people meandering, looking up and down the alleyways and stopping at every vista. She wondered f she could ever stop looking around if this was her street, everyday.
Her eyes ran over faces in decadent procrastination. If she got on that train, she’d have to go home and face her father and the fact that she’d have to find yet another job. She needed to pay for school, and help with the rent, though she didn’t think he’d actually put her out on the street. She shook her head pushed away the thoughts, letting her eyes glaze over the steady throb of people. Curly hair, white hair, dark skin, pale skin, suits, sweats, shorts, smiles, frowns grimmaces, smiles….and…something she hadn’t expected.
Familiarity in the form of eyes and nose and mouth. Brown hair laying every which way over dark brows. He was tall and he was walking towards the BART station on the other side of the street. Ninas feet began to walk without her knowledge towards the edge of the sidewalk. She stopped at the edge, thankfully, letting cars pass, but kept her eyes on the brown head with mind racing toward the possibility that she was right.

Acrylics class #10

Todays painting was a still life on blue cloth where she really wanted us to focus on keeping the paint full-bodied instead of watering it down. We used canvas board instead of paper.

I felt really pressured during this painting- we didn't have a lot of time and I was nervous about the weather. They closed Wyatt and Violets school due to snow and I was trying to arrange a ride for them whenever I got a break.

I need to go back in with some of the blue and blend the shadows more. The stems need darkening- but not until I get the confounded background to look like its just that...in the BACK.

Rainy day musings

(musings??)

Sometimes I don't have an idea for a post and I just start typing. Part of blogging for me is the writing aspect. Taking the things in my life and wording them out on the screen.

I've had my mind on painting quite a bit, lately. And I've been thinking about stuff like sandals and eyeliner. Most of my brainpower has been consumed by the questions of where to plant trees and what kinds of chickens to get that are pretty but still lay plenty of eggs. (after the great hen massacre of 2010)

I want to write. I want to re-write, that is. My characters are growing in my head again, and that means new facets to the story. New dialogue, possible turns in direction of the plot...it's all churning. I'm DYING for feedback, DYING. I am getting some from a very good friend of mine who's got the book right now. I love it...I need to see this story from OUTside my head.

I feel kinda crappy today- maybe the change in weather has something to do with that. It's supposed to snow tomorrow, which is always a spark for my brain. Isolation will do that to ya.

March the first.

New month,eh? Thats cool.

Today was sort of cold, but I knew class would be warm so I layered. I started with a cut up navy blue t-shirt, then added my Thakoon (by Target) cardigan. Then I put on my Lucky Brand hoodie under my jean jacket and put on my leopard print pants. If only I had a striped t-shirt and a paisley hat...that would have been cool. (or, crazy, at least)

Today at class we did a critique of our fruit paintings...

(remember?)


It looked SO cool with everyone's on the wall. I took a picture with my cell phone, but like a dummy, didn't push save and lost it. That's ok...I don't even know how to get it off my phone.

It's always interesting to see the different styles that come out when you challenge a group of people to all do the same project. Now, they weren't all lemons, but, they were all similar in execution.

The criticism I received was:

The one that used violet for tinting the shadows was much more effective "more lifelike"

On that same one, the background could have used less opacity so as to make it recede more.

And that's pretty much it. I'm pretty happy with these paintings and can't wait to do more. On wednesday we're bringing CANVAS!!! Woo-hoo!!